Awkward conversations
by PuddlezOnThaMoon
Summary: One quiet day in Konoha Sasuke is forced into discussing 'Safe Sex' with his older brother and having his sexuality questioned by his family. One-shot.


**Awkward Conversations**

**A/N: Okay so let's just pretend the massacre of the Uchiha clan didn't happen and everyone lived happily ever after, cause basically that's how this story is set. **

It was a simple day in Konoha. The birds were chirping the sun was shinning and everything was calm and peaceful. On this delightful day Sasuke found himself bored at home with no missions having been assigned to him. However also on this delightful his older brother Itachi and father Fugaku were at home too, also with no missions. Konoha was quiet nothing was to be done, except for your usual lookout job, but in all honesty who wanted that boring job.

Sasuke sat in the kitchen of the Uchiha mansion watching his mother cook, he was seriously bored.

"Sasuke, why don't you go and spend some time with your father and brother," his mother, Mikoto suggested. Sasuke slumped lazily against a wall.

"Nah," he replied bluntly.

He really didn't like spending time with his father, and Itachi was no better. Sasuke watched his mother cutting up some tomatoes. He got up and walked up behind her. He was now taller then his mother, who had always been short per se. Reaching around her he picked up one of the cut up pieces and popped it into his mouth. She turned around and smiled. "You have always been a mummy's boy," she laughed.

"You use to watch me while I cooked when you were younger too, and now look at you all grown up and a jounin at that".

She ran one hand through her sons raven colored hair. Sasuke took his mothers hand and held it for a mere second before letting go. He sat down at the table and continued to watch his mother cook.

"Do you have a girlfriend Sasuke?" she asked suddenly.

Sasuke looked up suddenly. Well he wasn't expecting that. "Uh no not at the moment why?" he replied.

"Well I just think it would be really nice if, when you get one you bring her home to us," Mikoto remarked.

"Nh," Sasuke replied. "I don't have time for dating".

Mikoto paused. "Is that so?" she asked.

"Yeah I have enough missions as it is, adding a girlfriend would just be putting way to much pressure on my shoulders. Besides all the girls I know are whinny and the type that would never shut up. Like I'd want to date one of them".

"Sakura's nice, you brought her over here that one time remember?"

"Yeah she is in a 'I'll-kill-you-if-you-piss-me-off' kinda' way," Sasuke replied blankly.

Mikoto smiled to herself. "So if you don't like the girls in the village what about the boys then?"

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Uh…what?" he asked slightly caught off guard by the question.

"Well are you homosexual Sasuke? It's alright if you are I completely understand, a lot of boys nowadays are, and besides if you bought home a cute boy instead of a girl I wouldn't judge you".

Sasuke's mouth hang wide open. "I'm…not…gay," he stuttered.

"Oh very well then, I just wasn't sure that's all," Mikoto muttered, continuing to cut up the vegetables.

Sasuke looked at his mothers back in shock. "Where did she come up with these shorts of things?" he wondered. Sasuke got up and got himself a glass of water. He felt hot all of a sudden.

"So if you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend then that must mean my baby Sasuke is still just a baby," Mikoto muttered. A small tear trickled out of her eye. "Oh you and your brother are growing up so fast".

Sasuke stared at his mother wide eyed. "Was she sick? She was acting kinda' strange," Sasuke thought he took a sip of water.

Mikoto wiped the tear from her cheek then looked at her son determinedly. "Sasuke seeing as you still haven't lost your innocence I want you to talk to Itachi about safe sex".

Sasuke sprayed all of the water from his mouth across the table. "What?" he coughed.

Mikoto looked at her son hard. "Seeing as you are still a virgin I don't want you catching a nasty STD or something! So I want you to speak with Itachi about safe sex".

Sasuke was still coughing trying to reintroduce his lungs to this little thing called air. "And what makes you think that I don't know about," he paused biting his lip. "Safe sex". The words tore at his throat, he felt a blush spread up into his cheeks. This was not something he wanted to discuss with his mother.

"Well you said to me that you were still a virgin so I simply see it as my duty as your mother to assure you will be as safe as possible when you engage in sexual intercourse".

Sasuke felt the hot blush burning at his skin. Was it hot in here or was it just him?

"Besides I can see from you cheeks that you are embarrassed to talk about this stuff with me so, I believe that why you should discuss it with Itachi. After all he has done it all before".

Sasuke really didn't want to know about his brother's sex life. What seemed to worry him more then actually knowing about his brothers sex life was that his _mother_ seemed to know a lot about it. Sasuke cleared his throat.

"Okay well then I'll be sure to bring it up with Itachi one day," he mumbled, now desperate to leave this conversation at that. He much preferred his mother to cook then explain 'safe sex' to him. He slid out from where he was sitting and started taking his leave when he ran into his older brother, Itachi.

"Oh Itachi!" Mitoko smiled happily. She walked over to her two sons. "I need you to give Sasuke the run through on you-know-what," she whispered.

Sasuke looked at him mother blankly. Itachi flashed Sasuke a questioning look, then nodded to his mother. "Alright then".

Mikoto pushed the two out of the kitchen. "Now you two gave have a nice 'chat' and stay out of the kitchen, I'm cooking".

The two boys were then left in their awkward silence in the living room. Itachi gestured for Sasuke to sit down on one of the lounges in the room. Hesitantly he took a seat. His brother sat down across from him.

"Well then little brother, what have you done to plant yourself in this…situation?" Itachi asked.

"I did nothing I was just talking to her and then…it started," Sasuke replied.

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

Then Sasuke launched into explaining the conversation he had had with their mother just moments before. "And she even thought I was gay!" Sasuke finished exhaling.

Itachi smirked a little bit. "I can see why your what 18 and you still haven't lost your virginity".

"17! And so what! I'm busy with missions!" Sasuke retorted angrily.

"I'm part of ANBU and I still manage to get some," Itachi replied coolly. **(I can't help but laugh when Itachi says 'and I still manage to get some') **

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend Itachi," Sasuke mumbled puzzled. "There's a lot you don't know about me little brother," Itachi replied a light smirk lighting up his features.

Sasuke shrunk down into the lounge, not liking his older brothers look. 'There's also a lot of things I don't want to know about you,' he thought.

"Anyway so she wants me to teach you about safe sex. Simple. Rule number one: Always use a condom," Itachi said coolly.

Sasuke felt himself blushing again. Seriously who talked about these kinds of things so casually? Like they were talking about their favorite food or something. **(Well actually my entire group and I have conversations like this everyday but getting back to the story…) **"What if you don't have one," Sasuke mumbled. 'Who carries condoms around anyway?' He instantly regretted thinking that, knowing Kiba seemed to have a never-ending supply of them.

"Then you pray you don't catch something nasty," Itachi replied casually.

Something…nasty?" Sasuke questioned.

"Oh yes like a love bug or something. Nasty, nasty infection makes you all icky and smelly down there and-"

"Okay! I get the point," Sasuke said quickly. 'Note to self: Always use a condom'.

"So is there anything else I need to know?" he asked desperate to leave this conversation.

"Not to much you won't learn without experience," Itachi replied.

"Okay then I think where're done!" Sasuke said over excitedly getting up.

"Sasuke if you want some practice, I can lend you some of my old magazines-"

"I'm good Itachi! Thanks for the offer".

"You're a strange one Sasuke, I don't know too many teenage boys who turn down free magazines".

This conversation had taken another turn for the worst. "Ahh I see it now!" Itachi exclaimed suddenly. He Leant down to look into his younger brothers eyes. Even though he didn't have to lean very far. Sasuke had recently had a massive growth spurt. "You're saving it for someone special," he muttered flicking Sasuke on the forehead like he use to when he was younger. "I wonder who then".

Sasuke stepped back from his brother rubbing his forehead. 'Why was everyone in his family so nosy? First his mum with the whole has or hasn't lost his virginity thing and now Itachi with his idea that Sasuke was 'saving it' for someone. The doorbell sounded and Sasuke was relieved it broke off Itachi's train of thought.

"Sasuke Naruto's at the door!" Fugaku, Sasuke's father called. 'Saved by the dobe!' Sasuke thought rushing off towards the door.

"Ah ha!" Itachi exclaimed. "I've got it little brother," he said putting one hand around Sasuke's shoulders.

"You're saving it for the little blonde Uzumaki kid aren't you?"

Sasuke instantly pulled away from his brothers grip. "N-Naruto!" he cried panting. "No! Not the dobe! Why would you think I would want to do it with the dobe?" he asked franticly.

At that very same moment Fugaku entered the room. "Sasuke you have a- you're gay?" he asked.

Sasuke and Itachi froze. Their father's eyes set hard on the floor in front of him. Their mother came out of the kitchen to catch the commotion.

"No father! It's how it looks, I'm not gay especially not for the dobe!"

Fugkau sighed and rubbed his sons head. "I understand son, and I can't say I agree with it but I don't criticize your decision. At least he's fairly alright looking. I can understand your at the age where your need to _dominate_ things may lead you to _experiment_. It might just be a stage you'll grow out of, just please if you're going to do anything, uh physical make sure you clean up after yourselves".

Sasuke felt himself getting hotter again. He was going to kill Itachi. Now because of all of this his father thought he was gay! Worst of all he was okay with it, because 'Sasuke was at the age where his need to _dominate _things lead to him _experimenting_'. Itachi was dead.

"Hmm I wonder who'll be on top," Fugaku mused out loud.

The whole room stopped and starred at him. Fugaku noticed all the attention on him and laughed slightly embarrassed. "Well just out of curiosity, I defiantly think _my_ son will be the one on top but who knows, what do you think Itachi?" Fugaku asked his eldest.

Sasuke felt anger rush through him. They were talking about him like he wasn't even here.

"Sasuke," Itachi replied blankly.

"And Mitoko?"

"Naruto, he's so cute I think Sasuke will get suckered by him".

Sasuke felt himself flush red and he stomped past his sick, sick family to the front door, praying to God Naruto hadn't over heard. He hadn't Sasuke could tell from the way he stood looking bored leaning against to door frame. "Took you long enough," he muttered. "What were you doing jerking off?"

Sasuke instantly fumed. "Shut up usuratonkachi, I've had enough talk about my sexuality and my virginity today. I don't want you starting on whether I was jerking off or not!"

Naruto looked slightly confused. He shrugged figuring Sasuke must be in one of his 'I don't get any' sorta' moods and the two set off.

"Hey Kiba's holding a strip poker game tonight you in?" he asked as the two left the Uchiha mansion. "Ugh!" moaned Sasuke. "I hate being a teenager".

**A/N: ****So this was a random Idea which popped into my head while writing one of my other stories. I like the way it turned out. Of course I think everyone is really OOC but who cares. The other day in class I dictonaried the owrd mansion to find it 'proper' meaning and it read: a large, very impressive house' then I was asked my definition of mansion by the teacher and I was like 'a freaking huge joint that's pretty decked out'. Heh I like my definition more. **

**Anyways please review the story giving any helpful hints or suggestions, tell us what you think neh? It was originally meant as a one-shot so yeah. Hope you enjoyed. **


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